Lost

I woke up to a really unexpected phone call today, but a phone call that gave me a heart attack. But, that not the point for this blog.

Anywho, I finally see that, I have a hole and I try to fill it, but nothing is going for right now. I know God will, but as of right now.. nope. I talk my problems to my friends, and they help me out, but it's harder when they don't know where your coming from. Too bad, that only friend that I got that went through everything I did is focused in school and everything, but it's good she's not like a crazy person >.< Though, who am I too push away a helping hand ? Well, I wouldn't I don't push away that's fact - because I know the consequences to a friend that will walk straight out and you won't stop them. As of right now, I feel not so much desperate, but I try to be optomistic- that ends up hurting me because keeping a smile is only temporary if it's fake. Crying- just let's it out, but it's going to be there until the hole is filled, I've paid too many tears too many times before, it's not worth it. I've learned not to run away from my problems, esp. with heart pains (literally).. It's a circle that you can't find the circumference of and your stuck in your problems. Maybe the way I'm putting this seems like a joke, but it's no joke when your sick of figuring out why do you wanna just give up & why it's not worth it anymore, but what's worth what ? For my own self, I don't like trying to figure everything out, but when you can't take the sudle fact that your depressed any longer, you have to find out what's up.

"When the world's crashing down,
and you can't bear the thought,
babe your not lost."

But, It's just a thought..


Sincerely,
Kathleen Michelle Reichenberger