So everything, and I mean EVERYTHING has been on a bad note lately. I suppose things would of got better because I had people backing me up through anything, but I make bad decisions. My decisions effect my relationships with my friends, best friends & God. I know that I do not make good decisoins more than half of the time, but the problem is that I already know before it happens. I know that I'm creating drama and problems. I know in general it's a step back for me. So if I know, why do I still make bad decisions ? N/A. Honestly, I don't know why I don't stop, I mean my best friends hold me down & it hurts when I hurt them, but in the long run, I'm hurting my relationship with God also. I know everything that comes along with this.. but I never seem to learn. I'll say I don't wanna, but under the pressure I will. I change my views when I'm at church & when I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. I want to be true to myself & show everyone how I REALLY feel, but at this moment I'm really mixed up on everything. I need to stick to my values.
There's not much to say now, because it's hard to find my answers to this without going through pain. I want to stop taking steps back, for good.. but those are just my words. I need to see my own actions too.
And the sad part is how 1 of you told me, that you used to be so encouraged by me because I would read my Bible at school or spread the Gospel just like that. I used to have the spiritual high all the time, and I loved it all. I was so smart, till .. "When did I start acting like this ?" I want to be a good friend for the first time in awhile, I need hold people down like how they hold me down.
I need to turn to God.
"So many people care for you, and I'm praying for you."
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